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The Good, the Bad, and the Extremely Ugly

By Graceyjane

Doug Ross stepped confidently into the E.R reception. 
He closed his eyes, and opened his arms, ready to huge the masses of female fans. Slowly he opened one eye, he could here squeals alright, but not for him. 
"I LOVE it" 
"Did it hurt Davey poo?" 
"Do blondes really have more fun?" 
"Ladies, please, one at time, you'll all get to touch my hair, 5 bucks a rub, 10 for you, pissant." 
Carter whimpered, but obediently joined the line. 
Doug stared at the scene, hardly daring to believe it, then putting on his best puppy dog eyes he tried to pull the fans away from this bleach head "hey babies" he said in his best Elvis impression, ripping open his shirt to reveal a batman logo t'shirt. 
Kerry turned around and curled her upper lip, "Eh, that movie wasn't even a hit." 
Doug pulled Carter out of the queue and yelled "What in blue blazes is going on Carter?" 
"Dougth" Carter said his eyes welling with tears "I knew you'd come back for me" 
"You didn't answer me." 
"Oh, that's Dave, he bleached his hair, isn't it the best? I must get a rub, I simply must!!!" 
"PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER MAN" Doug yelled shaking Carters shoulders. 
Dave looked up, suddenly aware that someone else was yelling at Carter. 
"Can i you?" Dave asked raising one eyebrow. 
Chuni fainted muttering "the eyebrow...." 
"As a matter of fact, u can, yuppy" Doug snarled. 
"......newayz granpa....what is it? Receding hairline? Dementia? these are common for your age group...I've even given it a name" 
The E.R held its breath, waiting to hear this burst of wisdom.  
"i call it.....aging" 
Abby jumped up and down clapping her hands, "Brilliant, sheer brilliance." 
Dave motioned for the clapping to stop. 
"Who the hell are you?" Doug snarled once more 
"They call me Dave, love god of the E.R" 
Doug gasped in horror, feeling his world fall apart "Say it ain't so!" 
Malik hummed "I will not go, turn the lights off carry me home...." strumming his air guitar. 
"Keep up the good work Malik." 
"Will do Dave." 
Once again Doug was forgotten, lost in a sea of Dave admirers. 
"I'll get you Dave..if its the last thing I do!" 
Doug roared, storming out of the E.R 
"Looks like I'm gonna have to get myself a bodyguard" Dave thought. 
"Carter, quit rubbing my blonde head and get me Jilly bean on the phone, and a Guiness." 
"A Guiness? Where'll I get that?" 
"DO IT PISSANT" The E.R screamed at Carter. 
"Aww shucks" Dave said, strutting into his office